


A Long and Winding Road

by AubreyPosenEsquire



Series: Random AU's [10]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, mention of miscarriage, mention of outting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28655286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AubreyPosenEsquire/pseuds/AubreyPosenEsquire
Summary: Stacie and Aubrey have been seeing each other since they reconnected at the Lodge of Fallen Leaves. One night when Stacie misses their planned date Aubrey finds her drinking at a bar. What happens when both spill past traumas to each other?
Relationships: Stacie Conrad/Aubrey Posen
Series: Random AU's [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971802
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	A Long and Winding Road

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit on the heavy side for me but the idea came to mind and I couldn't stop the words coming out. 
> 
> Thanks G for the Beta-ing job. 
> 
> Read the tags, two important warnings there.

The Peach Pit bar sat just down the road from Barden University. A building that looked like someone had put it up using the type of measurements that were done without access to a measuring tape. It leaned this way or that way more often than it stood square and true. The wallpaper was peeling in spots and the floor had been worn almost smooth in places.

It was a dive bar.

But it was a dive bar that offered good drinks poured with a heavy hand for not that much money.

Needless to say it was a popular dive bar for the upperclassman at Barden.

Late on a Tuesday night in early May, before the Bellas would head to Europe and she would walk the stage as a graduate, Stacie Conrad sat on a bar stool with two fingers of whiskey in front of her.

She lifted her glass to her lips, letting the brown liquid spill over her lips. She closed her eyes as she felt the burn hit the back of her throat as she swallowed it down. She shook her head at the powerful flavor that made her feel like any spark in a mile radius would light her breath on fire.

Today was May 8th.

“Stacie?”

Without turning around Stacie’s head dropped a little. She came here because while it was close to campus she didn’t expect anyone she knew to be here so close to finals.

“Hey Aubrey.” Stacie turned with a fake smile painted on her lips. “What are you doing here?” She didn’t think that Aubrey, dressed down in jeans paired with a light blue sweater with her hair down, looked like she fit in for this bar on this tonight.

“We had plans tonight, remember?” Aubrey explained as she slipped in next to her. Stacie wearing her glasses instead of her contacts and jeans and a henley were all tells that something was going on with her. “When I got to Bella House Chloe mentioned you were here.”

Shit.

Stacie groaned at her carelessness.

“I’m sorry, Bree.” Stacie reached over to put her hand on Aubrey’s for a second. “I forgot that was today, I was thinking we were seeing each other tomorrow.”

After Chloe took the group to the Lodge of Fallen leaves last month - Aubrey was working there after graduating early from Emory University Law School while she tried to figure out her next move - the pair reconnected, dinner dates happened and flirty text messages started being exchanged. The pair had no reason not to light the tinder that had been gathered when Stacie was a freshman to start to burn.

“Are you alright?” Aubrey gestured to the glass in Stacie’s right hand. “You aren’t really a whiskey girl, Stacie.”

Stacie gave a weak smile, dropping the fake one she put on just a few moments ago. She looked forward and then down at the drink on her glass. After downing the shot or so in the glass she gestured for the bartender to bring one for each of them.

“I didn’t grow up with a very fun family.” Stacie spoke once the bartender brought them each a drink. “Strict parents who thought that church two nights a week and confession every Sunday would keep me out of trouble. A lot of pressure to get good grades and go to college, something neither of them did.”

Aubrey wasn’t sure if she should look directly at Stacie as she spoke, worried it would make her self conscious. Instead she settled for mirror Stacie’s posture, but moved her hand to rest on the young woman’s thigh to let her know she was right there if she was needed.

“I was sixteen and he was nineteen.” Stacie’s jaw set a bit as she lifted the whiskey to her lips. “I thought he loved me. He swore he would forever.” The words came out bitter, clipped, like she had spoken to herself as a taunt for her own foolishness over and over.

Stacie reached up and wiped her eyes as she felt a few tears leaking from them as she told Aubrey something only her cousin knew. She had kept it to herself, kept it bottled up, for years. She wasn’t sure telling Aubrey all of this just a few weeks into dating was smart but she couldn’t stop now if she tried.

“We were together for almost four months and I was as willing to do whatever he wanted as I ever have been for anyone. One night he didn’t have a condom and he told me it would be fine. It was just once. I was young and dumb and I trusted him.” She paused. “When he found out I was pregnant he blocked me. Stopped returning my calls. He even moved apartments.” Stacie closed her eyes so she couldn’t see the horror written over Aubrey’s face.

“I miscarried at four months. Before I could figure out what to do with the situation the choice was made for me. And so I promised myself that I would never fall like that again. I would never let someone close enough to hurt me if things went south. And I haven’t. It was easy to be the girl that cared about superficial stuff, that hung out with the Bellas when I wanted someone around that cared about me, to use the Bellas as my partner and whoever I wanted for sex. I have a lot of sex because I like having sex and I don’t date because I don’t want to get hurt. I didn’t ever want to feel like that sixteen year old girl standing in front of the open door of an empty apartment again.” Stacie shook her head at herself before opening her arms and looking at Aubrey.

“I like you, Aubrey Posen. I like going on dates with you and making out with you and I am dying to know what it’s like to take you to bed. I don’t know if it’s growth or I’m just tired. I don’t know if telling you all this was a mistake or some sort of freeing myself for a possible us. But I know you should know.” Stacie breathed in, waiting for Aubrey’s response.

Aubrey turned in her chair to look at Stacie full on. She felt a little shocked at the information she now had that it seemed no one else in Stacie’s life had. She managed to shake it off as she looked at the woman that she had such strong feelings for.

“Thank you for telling me, Stacie.” Aubrey reached for both of Stacie’s hands, holding them tightly in hers. “You are important to me, learning how to be an us is important to me. I want to know you, the good and the bad, the mundane parts and the extraordinary parts.” She reached up to cup Stacie’s cheek, so pleased when she felt Stacie press her cheek deep into her palm.

“Come back to my apartment tonight? Just spend the night letting me take care of you and talk about things. Heavy things like this and silly things and all of the things that women like us pushing to a box in the back of our minds to lock up because it’s safer than feeling like we’re letting a soft spot form that people can poke.” Aubrey gave a shy smile as she hoped Stacie would take her up on the offer.

Stacie tossed another cash on the bar to cover the drinks she had, the one poured for Aubrey she hadn’t drunk and a top for the bartender.

On the way out she downed Aubrey’s whiskey, feeling the need for a little extra courage in the work of Ireland’s best.

The drive was taken quietly, with the radio on one of Aubrey’s favorite stations - 80’s classics - while the pair held hands as Aubrey drove. She stopped by a local place with take out where the pair got burgers and a shared bag of fries they ate on the drive.

The apartment that Aubrey took while working at the Lodge, was fairly small. She spent most of her days working, up before the sun and home long after it set. The one bedroom apartment didn’t need to have formal entertaining space, the combo-nation living room, kitchen and dining room was more than enough for Aubrey to have a small table, a couch and cookware for one.

“I like it here.” Stacie smiled as she looked over at Aubrey.

“Thanks.” Aubrey felt herself smile as she turned to lock the door. 

The pair took their shoes off before Stacie pulled Aubrey to her, using the few inches of height difference to rest her head against Aubrey’s, wrapping her completely up. Aubrey’s arms wrapped around Stacie’s waist as she soaked in the hug.

“I didn’t get many of these growing up.” Aubrey pressed her forehead against Stacie’s shoulder. “Dad was gone for work and Mom had luncheons to plan. So I learned how to be alone pretty early.” She talked about her father fairly often, or rather the things he said over the years that she took to hear, but the more intimate details of her family she kept close to the chest.

“Anytime you need a hug, just tell me and I’ll give you one for as long as you need.” Stacie held her a little tighter as they stood in sock feet in her living room.

With the lights off and the door locked they were in a bubble of their own making. Neither willing to turn on a light just yet, they moved to the couch. Stacie laid down, Aubrey moving to lay between her and the back of the couch as the pair wrapped themselves up in each other.

“Sometimes on this day of the year I let myself think about the what if.” Stacie whispered. “But I always come back to the same conclusion. I’m happy it happened, happy I didn’t become a mother. And I hate that it makes me so happy.”

“You were a kid who fell for someone who took advantage of them.” Aubrey wrapped her arm around Stacie’s waist to pull her in a little more. “Being happy that it happened the way it did doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t.”

Stacie closed her eyes as she fought back a feeling of loss that she battled now and then when she thought of what happened so many years ago. “I wouldn’t have gone to college. My parents would have let me stay until I was eighteen and then I would have gotten a job doing something to make enough money to try and support them and me. The guy would never have been in the picture so it would have been rough. Doable, sure. Mom did it even if Dad was in the picture and they got married. But I like being almost done with college, I like that I’m going to get a masters and then a Ph.D. I like I am going to be an engineer. I like the idea of kids as a thing I do at the end of my twenties instead of in the middle of my teens. I like that my parents are proud of me.”

Aubrey ran her fingers over Stacie’s shirt as she closed her eyes at the strong need she felt they both shared to make their parents proud of them. She had fought to hear either parent tell her they were proud of her for most of her life. She had so rarely gotten to hear it that she had started to give up on every feeling secure in the knowledge they were.

“I want you to meet them one day.” Stacie whispered. “They aren’t bad people. They thought if they were strict and tried to keep me on the straight and narrow I wouldn’t make their mistakes.”

“Do your parents know you’re not straight?” Aubrey asked as her fingers moved under Stacie’s top to rest on the warm skin of her side.

“Yeah.” Stacie closed her eyes as she rested her head against Aubrey’s. “Mercifully it wasn’t an issue. I don’t know how I dodged that bullet but since I am pulling a 4.0 and doing the Bellas they seem cool with it.”

Aubrey pressed her ear to Stacie’s chest, right over her heart to hear the steady beating of it.

“What did the General say when you came out?” Stacie whispered. “Assuming you did.”

“I didn’t come out. I was outed.”

“Oh fuck.”

“Very much so.”

Stacie wrapped her arm more protectively around Aubrey’s waist. Whatever happened, Aubrey telling her or leaving the comment for the moment, it was her choice to make. She would just hold Aubrey and make sure she knew she was safe.

“Morgan and I were best friends from the day we met in second grade. Then one day we were more. I was fifteen when we kissed for the first time. We started to do more than kissing and we became girlfriends a few weeks later. Neither of us were out so it was all hidden. But it was so good. The feeling of being with someone I cared for. The way we worked together on school projects. The feeling of someone knowing your biggest secret and not just accepting it but embracing it is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.”

Stacie didn’t speak, she just held Aubrey as she let her explain how something she seemed so good changed. She held her a little tighter as if it might reach back and hug the teenage version of Aubrey. 

“Her father took a job in London in the middle of our junior year. She wanted to stay there for school after she finished high school or whatever they call it. So I did what I thought was the mature thing and broke it off. I was as kind as I could be. I was heartbroken too.” Aubrey closed her eyes tighter as she pushed on. “She mailed my dad a package. Every photo she had of us together, photos of me partly undressed, text messages between us, private letters. I came home from school that day and it was all laid out on the kitchen table.”

“Oh Aubrey.” Stacie felt such pain for teenage Aubrey. She felt a fair amount of it for the adult in her arms.

“He asked if it was true. If it was me in the photos, me who wrote the letters. I confirmed it and he walked out of the room.”

Aubrey cuddled against Stacie to be as close to her as she could. She wanted to soak up all the love and protection she didn’t have back then. Stacie pressed a firm kiss to Aubrey’s forehead to try and give whatever comfort she could give. She had no idea the Aubrey she met her freshman year of college had that level of pain only a few years in her past made Stacie wish she had thought less harsh things about her.

“We don’t talk about it. They know I’m a lesbian, but we don’t talk about it. I’ve never pushed the issue and they never brought it up after that.”

Stacie turned her head to press a kiss to the top of Aubrey’s head. She couldn’t imagine what it would have felt like to have some much of herself splayed out on the kitchen table like that.

For a few long moments the pair just laid on the couch together. Revealing hidden parts of yourself to someone else, no matter how willingly, could take more out of you than just about anything. The weight lifted off of their shoulders leaving both of them a little off balance even as they laid down, not having to move if they didn’t want to.

“Will you sleep with me tonight?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Aubrey opened her eyes to find Stacie’s eyes looking back at her. She leaned up to press a soft kiss to her lips. Baring your soul to someone you trusted without question wasn’t something she was comfortable with outside of one very persistent red headed best friend of hers. But with Stacie it felt like she found someone who could both allow her the pleasure of taking care of someone and be taken care of by the same person. It might be too soon for her to say she could see herself falling in love with Stacie but love never paid much attention to time or the wants of those its arrow aimed toward.

Stacie moved off of the couch first with Aubrey standing up a moment later. They hugged again because the very act seemed to bring the other peace and tonight the act of peace to battered souls felt somehow radical.

Hand in hand they moved away from each other but toward the queen sized bed that Aubrey had never been more thankful had fresh sheets.

Stacie looked at the simply decorated room and at first thought it looked a bit bare until she looked a little closer. Photos of the Bellas were on the top of the dresser. A framed Bella scarf and Bella pitch pipe, a gift of the undergrad Bellas, hung on the wall. There was a blanket sporting the Virginia state flag that Stacie remembered Ashley got Aubrey for the Bella secret Santa three years ago.

“Is that us?” Stacie smiled as she looked at a photo taken just last month of the pair of them after Stacie pulled Aubrey into the mud pit at the lodge. The pair had their arms around each other’s waist, covered head to toe in mud with grins on their faces.

“It is.” Aubrey blushed when Stacie saw the photo she had on her night stand.

“Can you make me a copy of this one so I can have it in my room?” Stacie asked, wrapping Aubrey up from behind and resting her chin on Aubrey’s shoulder.

“Yeah, of course.” Aubrey sank back against her arms as she felt her body relax back against Stacie’s frame. “I can get you something to wear to bed so you don’t have to wear your henley.”

“Thanks babe.” Stacie turned her head to press a soft kiss against Aubrey’s neck before pulling back to let her go grab clothes for both of them.

Aubrey felt her cheeks warm at the way that a kiss to the neck from Stacie could make the air in the room heat up a few degrees. She walked to her dresser and grabbed out two oversized shirts before turning back to Stacie.

“Do you sleep in pants?”

“Not usually. I mean sometimes I sleep naked since I have one of the singles.” Stacie shrugged. “Just a shirt is fine for me if it’s comfortable for you.”

“I usually just sleep in a shirt.” Aubrey handed Stacie an oversized shirt with the lodge’s logo on it. “Let me grab you a spare toothbrush. I always keep a couple backups in case Chloe comes over and decides to stay over.”

Stacie followed Aubrey to the bathroom where both took turns brushing their teeth and washing their face. Aubrey left to go change in her room while Stacie used the bathroom.

After undressing and putting her own oversized shirt on, she pulled the covers back on her bed and climbed inside. Her phone went on the charger before she moved to the far side of the bed, right against the wall. Laying there she tried to beat back the nerves that were starting to take root in her belly.

“Don’t think so hard.”

Aubrey looked up to see Stacie leaning against her bedroom door in one of Aubrey’s shirts, the hem falling just down Stacie’s thighs. It was one of the most beautiful sights that Aubrey had ever seen before. The French braid and glasses added to the domestic feeling, making her belly flip in a way that she couldn’t explain.

“You’re beautiful, I know you know that. But my God, you’re beautiful.”

If anyone else was in that bed Stacie would have slinked toward them, her glasses would have been pulled off and tossed on the nightstand before she pulled the shirt over her head. If it was anyone else the words said, no matter how sincerely, would fall away as she used her natural charm and good looks to take control and take a position of power between them.

Stacie blushed because it wasn’t anyone else in the bed, it was Aubrey Posen. So the words soaked into Stacie’s skin like a soothing balm, healing cracked and broken places that were a bit bloody and raw.

So instead of slinking toward the bed, she walked over. She did pull her glasses off, phone going next to them, but kept her shirt on. She turned the light off before she slipped between the covers, feeling Aubrey’s legs tangling with her as the pair was pulled together as if by a force unseen but so acutely felt. Stacie didn’t know what it was about being in bed with someone who she so deeply wanted and yet wouldn’t have tonight that made her feel a sense of weighted comfort but it did.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever shared the bed with someone I have feelings for and not had sex first.” Stacie tucked a bit of hair behind Aubrey’s ear.

“I like having that first with you.” Aubrey had to admit she felt a bit of pride at holding that first in the history books of Stacie Conrad’s life.

“There are a lot of firsts I think you’ll hold with me.” Stacie moved her hand under Aubrey’s shirt to rest on Aubrey’s back. When she had the chance to press her finger tips to skin she wanted to take it.

“Oh yeah?” Aubrey asked.

“The first person I cook breakfast after spending the night not having sex with them would be the next one on the list.”

Stacie pressed a kiss to Aubrey’s forehead as the pair figured out how to settle against each other in the most comfortable way. Aubrey was right, the pair shared a lot of history between them, the current members of the Bellas chief among them.

“I like pancakes if you’re the one cooking.” Aubrey couldn’t help but smile softly at the thought of Stacie making her breakfast.

Stacie was quiet for a long moment.

“I am going to Georgia Tech to study mechanical engineering in September.”

Aubrey’s hands tightened knowing Stacie wouldn’t leave the area after graduation.

Wait.

“I know you applied to MIT. You can’t tell me you didn’t in?” Aubrey pulled back.

“I did get in. I decided to go to Georgia Tech instead.”

Aubrey looked at Stacie like she was crazy.

“I like Georgia.” Stacie explained. “I’m from Boston. If I go back to Boston I go back to being around my family and I have to be the woman they want me to be. And as much as I love them, small doses is the way things with them stay smooth. If I stay in Georgia I get to stay in the place I’ve made home for the last four years. And I get to stay with my girlfriend.”

Aubrey had a bashful smile. She and Stacie had been on four dates, tonight was technically number five, so she didn’t think it was too quick of a turn around from friends to girlfriends. Beca and Chloe adopted the title before their first date, hell before they even left the Lodge after finding their sound they were using the term. No, it wasn’t too fast for them at all.

“You do.” Aubrey shifted closer back to Stacie. “If you wanted to find a place in Atlanta, I could help you look? I’ve been looking for myself since I’m starting at a law firm there in two months.”

“Beca, Chloe and I are looking for a place together. Beca has that job after graduation with East Coast Records and Chloe has some jobs lined up doing theater choreography.” Stacie explained.

“The three of you living together? That sounds like you’re going to need a lot of closet space.” Aubrey teased.

“I have a feeling I’m going to spend a fair amount of time together.” Stacie snorted.

“I wish we started dating last year so we didn’t have to have two addresses.” Aubrey admitted.

“Just got a small place that’s close and spend as much time at my place as you want until you’re ready to move in with us.” Stacie suggested. As much as she wanted Aubrey to live with them she knew moving in this quickly would put a lot of extra pressure on them they didn’t need.

“You are very smart, do you know that?” Aubrey whispered as she settled in, sleep and her slight southern accent that came out rarely coloring her voice.

“It would be nice to go to sleep with you in my arms like this for a fair share of the week.” Stacie closed her eyes. “I know my reputation isn’t a glowing example of emotional maturity but I can be when needed.”

“You know.” Aubrey rested her head against Stacie’s. “I wasn’t worried about that for a second.”

Stacie smiled softly as she ran her fingers down Aubrey’s arm to take her hand. “Thank you for making tonight not suck. I was having a rough day, I usually do today, and you turned it into a day I’m going to bed with a smile on my face.”

Aubrey brought their joined hands to her lips. “It might always be a hard day for you, we can use tomorrow as our anniversary if you want, or the day you asked me out at the lodge, or the day we had our first kiss.”

Stacie paused before rolling just a bit to see what time it was.

The clock blinked back, 1:05 am.

“I mentioned you were my girlfriend for the first time on May 9th. I think it’s fair to use that date.” Stacie had never been happier that it was after midnight. She would have gone with the 8th if she had to but having it be a date without that baggage felt that much better.

“May 9th, the best day of the year.” Aubrey leaned forward an inch or two to kiss Stacie’s collarbone when she turned back around.

The pair didn’t say anything for a few very long moments. Both lost in thought about the road, as winding as it had been, that got them to this place in each other’s arms. After a very long day Aubrey couldn’t keep her mind going any longer and Stacie felt her breathing even out. 

“Sleep tight, Aubrey.” There was a pretty big part of Stacie that was proud that Aubrey felt comfortable enough to drift off so quickly in her arms. She closed her eyes and felt a breath that she had been holding since she was a teenage be let out.

Stacie knew she wasn’t unloveable. But she had been worried over the years that her ability to love had been stripped from her by the choices she made. She had put up walls that weren’t visible to most, walls that had been so far unscalable. Laying in Aubrey’s bed with her asleep in her arms after the pair of them had stripped the layers each faced away to show the naked core off to each other left her the proof she needed to allow herself to keep the walls open to Aubrey. She now knew Stacie’s biggest sore spot from the pace and accepted it without judgement. Stacie had never expected to tell Aubrey, let alone having her accept things so well once she did.

May 8th might never be a good day but May 9th would be, she was sure of it.


End file.
